I’m sure, you might have come across this question when you are dealing with people. In this read, I’m going to explain to you my comprehensive views on “Why do people hate you?” and “How you can deal with haters or such situations?“.
We need to get socialize with a group of people to live, willingly or unwillingly. No one in the world has achieved success alone. Jeff Bezos requires customers to purchase products via Amazon. Google needs users to access their platforms. Speaker needs the audience to listen. Even I’m writing this blog so that you can read.
Our success is depending on how others react to our visions or goals. Other people will show interest in your visions only if you are contributing something to their life. When you are getting involved in other’s life by any means, you are bound to have haters too.
In nutshell, I realized there are mainly two reasons why do people hate us whether it’s our job, relations, friends and family. I call it “Hate reasons“.
- They don’t like your personality, visions or things you are doing.
- They fear you because they think you are better than them.
It’s a common situation every individual face throughout life. But, surprisingly contradiction statement of these two reasons are making people love you. I caption it “Like reasons“.
- They love your work, your thinking and support your visions
- They believe you because they seek inspiration and support from you
Now, the final outcome affecting you is depending on how you deal with “Hate reasons” and “Like reasons“. I will be mainly focusing on “Hate reasons” throughout this blog to help you understand factors contributing haters in your life so that you can work on it to get it converted to “Like reasons“.
It’s the most challenging area to work on for all of us as we (humans) are tend to expect things from each other. Expectations are not a problem until it goes beyond limits for someone.
I’m writing this blog with intend that I can make a change in the reader’s life somehow whereas you are contributing your time and internet to read it. You see here we are setting is expectations from each other here.
Do you know, why? Because each one of us is spending something to get something.
From my perspective, I’m doing research, reading books so that to prepare simple to read the blog for you on this topic so my expectation from you to read it and share it. So, I’m investing time and efforts and expect support in return.
From your perspective, you are trying to find out answers to your questions. You google it, click on this blog to read it so that to get answers for your concerns. So, you are investing your time, focus and internet and expect that this read will help you to get some answers.
Now, you might be thinking that “It’s alright, how this is related to why people hate me?”
In these scenarios, we are seeing expectations from both ends that is “me” and “you”. It’s fairly possible that my read or views might not be able to help or you don’t like the way I address it or doesn’t add values to your life. But it’s also possible that it might help someone to address their real-life problems from seeking inspiration from this read.
Those who don’t like my read, they are going to ignore it and won’t click on my blogs next time when they see it on google search. However, those who like are going to read more blogs, I’ve posted.
In this example, I will be facing my readers hate and love depending on their expectations from this read. If I want to keep doing my job with progress, I should not only feel happy about like/share I get but also I should respect and accepts criticism to improve myself moving ahead.
People set expectations from you and they hate you or dislike because you fail to meet their expectations. You are also playing the same role as people, you even don’t like people who aren’t meeting your expectations in terms of relationships, professional life etc.
Expectation | Conclusion
The expectations are going to be there until the end of the world, next time if you are about to hate someone because they failed to meet your expectations. Think twice, give them a second try to improve things or actions expected because once you start to hate others, you will face their hate too.
Also, before setting expectations to keep this rule in mind, you can’t control others but it’s very much possible to keep your self in control.
Expect less from others and more from yourself first. Slowly and gradually, things will happen according to your expectations.
“Survival of the fittest“. You might have heard this quote and according to my research, this theory is emended into human mind since ages.
In an earlier time, we (humans) are struggling and fighting for survival. Nowadays, we are creating completions among ourselves for lifestyles.
Fact is our necessities are still the same. Food, cloth and home.
It doesn’t matter whether you dining in 5-star hotel or simply cook food at home. Your body only knows hunger for food. It’s doesn’t matter how many clothes or what brands you are wearing, only your body needs to be covered. Whether it’s rented home or owned penthouse, the only shelter is needed.
Those who don’t afford to have a car, think that I should also have one by looking at others. If they fail to get one, they get jealous of others who have it and indirectly start hating others.
If you are becoming too much productive and creative in your work, other colleagues will consider you as a hurdle in their career pathway and start to hate you.
If you are posting a picture of happy and enjoyable memories over your social media account, some will appreciate but most of them just compare themselves with you and if they find you are doing better than them. It’s easy for them to start hating you indirectly.
If you cross-question decision of your boss and suggesting any other ideas that make the boss feel unworthy of role he/she is playing. Boom, you have successfully reduced your appraisal score for coming years along with chances of promotions because you are putting fear in them indirectly and making them feel competitive about you. You are not doing anything wrong here but it’s on them how they took it.
Haters gonna hate, doers gonna compete.
Competition | Conclusion
Competition is not the actual reason for hate. Whether you want to be part of it or not, you are in competition.
Fear of completion or fear of failure is what makes some people hate you as they strongly believe that they won’t be able to hold stand against you in fair competitions. So, the only thing they can do is to hate you.
If you are hating someone just because they are really better than you or making challenges in your life, please rethink. It’s their efforts and your fear making this completion worse for you. Gear up with all that you can do, keep a positive attitude and face the completion fairly instead of just hate to someone.
Many completions and opportunities will come and go in life. Don’t break or affect any relationship because you hate, you might end up losing good persons from your life. In the end, it doesn’t matter, whether you won or not, what matters is how you participated.
Everyone loves their freedom the most. Hate takes birth as soon as someone tries to take control of other’s life. If you have control, you take out someone’s freedom by any means, though they won’t show, they start hating you.
You often find these cases in offices, if your team leader or manager starts to do micromanagement in your duties, you start hating them.
I also find when I instructing my wife frequently on how to do this and that. She is getting pissed off and start to hate my nature.
I have also seen depressed kids whose parents are strictly deciding what their kid should do in a particular hour. When they can watch television? How much and what should they study? With whom they can be friends? and in the end, parents end up having hate from kids.
I’m not in favor of eliminating micromanagement but our intent should be just to make them aware because we care. It’s their ultimate decision on how to act as they will be facing consequences of it through their experiences whether good or bad.
This will not only help them to understand things better but also help you to maintain a good relationship instead of hate.
Micromanagement | Conclusion
If someone is doing this with you and trying to take control of you, this is going to end up in a toxic relationship. Though their intent is good, you are going to hate them. Try to find alternatives to keep yourself away from such people or situations.
If you are expecting that this should not happen with you, you need to start the change from yourself. If you are doing micromanagement to others, I will not suggest stopping doing that but your approach should be more of advisable (consider your tone and mindset of others) instead of strict dominance.
If your Boss is doing this to you and hates you, prepare yourself for another job or department or your own business instead of hate. You don’t know someday, you may hire your boss who is really good at his/her role and you will have a good member, in your team to work with. At this point, you can explain them drawback of aggressive micromanagement and I’m sure they will listen to it without having an issue.
If your partner is doing this to you, analysis yourself first. In most of the cases, its equal reaction to actions from a partner. When I stopped involving in my wife’s activities, in return I get the same. Even this helped both of us to respect and trust each other more.
If you are a parent and doing this to your child, please understand one day they will not only hate you but start ignoring you. Please don’t get me wrong, all parents do care for their child however I suggest parents, to explain their kid’s values and help them understand why they expecting so. Sooner or later, your child will understand but don’t put your feelings aggressively in front on them. Children’s minds are more capable than us to think, we just need to show them a way to run. How to run is depending on them.
When I was a kid, it was enforced in me that those who smoke, drink or have any addictions are bad people and indirectly started hating them.
We need to understand, practices or habits that one follows doesn’t make them good or bad. It’s our perception to look at that individual personality that tells our brain to hate or not.
When I was a team leader and handling team of 9 programmers. I realized, due to my blunt nature and tone, my team is being judgemental about me that I’m very rude though I have never behaved like that with anyone. Here they started hating me and vice versa. So, it was me standing against 9 people daily for 9 hours.
No one was ready giving up here. They are fighting as a team and I was fighting with the team alone. Initially, I only realized that they are hating me for nothing but later I understood the route cause of their hate towards me.
It’s obvious, they didn’t speak it directly because I was a team leader but they were started giving me signs.
The problem here was their judgemental thinking about me and my expectation from them to speak upfront. They are not even complaining about me to my boss because they don’t have specific examples to prove my behavioural problem with them as it was their judgemental thinking.
In the end, I understood, it supposed to be me who needs to take initiative and bond people with myself. I changed my behaviour while working with a team, started conducting team meetings to understand their concerns, joined them on coffee breaks. Eventually, I found that these tricks are changing their judgemental thinking about me and converting hate into a good relationship.
Judgemental thinking | Conclusion
There may be flaws in others but who are we to define that. Only right, we have is to define ourselves.
Do not judge and hate others, there are 1000 things to hate but find out 1 thing to build a better relationship. It’s ok not to get so close with them but do not build hate relationship.
If others are hating you because of their judgemental thinking about you, you don’t need to prove them wrong so that they will stop hating you but you need to analyse yourself to be a better person and haters going to convert someday into followers or lovers.
Still, someone hates you badly, it’s good for you to recognize such a toxic relationship and move away from such negative connections with a positive approach. It doesn’t mean you start hating them. Let them hate and waste their time/brain on you. You should appreciate them as you hold strong importance in your hater’s life.
- Remember you can make a difference because it’s your life, haters are just watching your life as a movie critic and enjoying your failures
- Take criticism positively to make yourself better for you. Without criticism, how you will be able to understand what to work on.
- Never try to enforce others, what is right and wrong. Just share your opinions and let them decide. Whoever is wrong will face consequences accordingly.
- Keep yourself away from being hating others. Each individual is unique and capable of something. It just a matter of different opinions and actions. Hating other increased negativity in your life so avoid that to focus on things you can change.
- Keep patience to know others, don’t judge a book by its cover.
I have written this blog based on my experience and knowledge of thinking that I gained by reading books. I hope it will help you to find answers you are looking for and encourage you to adopt the fact that it’s just the mindset of others. It’s you who is defining it as a HATE or LIKE.
I also encourage you to read some books that will make a significant impact on your life by changing the way you think.
Please share your experience, thoughts, queries, likes and dislikes in comments. I love to read your views. Please share this article in your circle, if you think, this article will help others.
Until next time, never stop reading…